Whadya' Do When Your Massage Therapist Breaks UP With You?

The day began with a splitting headache. One of those that starts down at the base of my neck and shoulders and radiates, no, penetrates into the center of my brain like a hot knife. Worked out hard the day before, muscle sorenes, tension, pain. "Gotta go get a massage today", I tell myself. But first, it's off to a meeting and then work. Work: Nose buried in a computer screen, typing loan agreements, sending emails, designing print ads, learning about "search strings", tracking web traffick on my admin. page and blah, blah, blah. So tedious. I'm just not feelin' it today. Technology has never been my forte. I find it's learning and use a bit of a challenge. I always enjoy my time more if it's spent involved with other people, and yet, I'm not really up for THAT either today. But none of this is the real issue. Last night I learned that the two guys I was in tretament with BOTH relapsed, and, one of them had a stroke. Both of them had more time than I do and I thought they were o.k. It's scarey. The monster lies in wait, hideous, insidous, deadly devil. To top that off, I also learned that someone whom I thought was a close friend had some ulterior stuff going on that I didn't know about, and, which may make impossible any continued friendship. I'm delfated, my sobriety dampened, the luster knocked off my world like cheap, gold plating. Is this what happenes when "Life" shows up? Yeh, I guess it just is. What does one do when everything one thinks is true turns out to be false? I don't know. what I DO know is that I need a massage. I pick up the phone, dial the number. "Carmen? Can you work me in about two-thirty? I ask. "No" she says, "I'm moving to another practice, didn't you get my email?" "Email, what email?", I cry out! "The one I sent everyone... I'm moving to another practice, and yada, yada, yada." I hear nothing after "moving to another practice" and my mind launches into MY version of what I think she's saying to me. "She's breaking up with me!" "What am I gonna' do?" "It took me months to find just the right touch", and, "yada, yada, yada." I'm pulled from my internal dialogue by her voice: "Craig." "Craig?" "Uh-huh", I mumble. "You can come in Friday to my new office, o.k.?" she says. "Yeh, yeh, sure, sure, Two 'o clock" I reply. "Thanks Carmen." Click. "Well, I could go to someone else today, get some immediate relief", I think. "No, I can wait. New therapist, fifty bucks, probably wouldn't even do it right", I answer myself. Whew! That was close. Thought I was really losing something there for a minute. And so it is, was, with my two friends who lost their sobriety, and with my other friend who has, all along viewed me in a light I don't welcome, nor do I share. I have no control over what others do, feel, think or see. All I can do is be my most authentic self, be honest, give love and and hope for the best. And sometimes when I think I'm losing something its really just changing shape, form and texture, and also entirely out of my control. So I dropped in on my buddy, Mike N. down at Lucy's El Adobe today for lunch, and I ask him, "Hey Mike, whadya' do when your massage therapist breaks up with you?" "I dunno, what?" he replies. "Sometimes Mike, the best thing to do is absolutely NOTHING" I say.