Who The #!*@!$#!* Blew Up Hollywood Blvd...or, Who's Jimmy Choos are Under My Bed...or, Whatever!

Back in my old apartment as of last night. So many memories. But I seem to have slipped right back into it like a familiar old garment. My things, my space. So, it's out to the donut shop around the corner for my coffee early this morning and the first thing I see from the front steps is that Hollywood Blvd. looks like someone dropped a bomb on it last night! It's gone, er, well it's dirt now and there's these big trucks running up and down and bulldozers and...what the !#&*$#! happened ? Is this WWIII?! Then I realize they're just doing road construction and then my next thought is, "Why the !#&%^$ didn't they tell me?! As if I am so significant that the City of Los Angeles would send me a special notice to advise me of the pending mess. I have to laugh at myself, as I know you will.

Back inside, swilling the java, and, "wait, who's shoes are these under my bed?" "Women's shoes, Jimmy Choos no less, must be four hundered bucks! "Who the hell left these here?" I look 'em over, black high heels, "evening wear" I think. What woman would flee so hastily from my apartment that she would leave behind a pair of shoes like this? And more importantly, "why".

"Was it me"? "Or maybe my disgusting bathroom." Listen up guys, nothing will drive a woman from your arms faster than a filthy bathroom. And believe me, when a woman goes to the bathroom it's never just to pee. It has a three-fold purpose, the first being to pee. The second is a two part fact finding mission. First of all she's looking for evidence of another woman; contact lens fluid, (and she knows you don't wear contacts), "feminine" products, one too many toothbrushes, or "Secret" deoderant. The second thing she's looking for is filth. Filthy bathroom and you're done. It tells her all she needs to know about you and your romantic future together, which will be zero if you have a filthy bathroom. And be sure to get the walls and BEHIND the toilet...and always lift the seat when you pee and put it back down when you leave so as to provide a soft, inviting perch for her pretty little rump when she returns to pee again and search your medicine cabinet. I know, sooo much to remember.

But back to the shoes..."Oh, I remember the girl...and the fight." "Honey, you've got me fucked up with that weenie you were dating before me, the one you spent most of your time scraping off the bottom of those Jimmy Choos... the one who put up with it. " "Like I'm gonna' let YOU dictate my life?!" "Puh-lease" "Can't we just be who we are and get along." "No, you fucker!"

So much for that. God that was only three months ago. Seems like a whole 'nother lifetime ago now.

I hate"dating". I enjoy the discovery part of it, the finding out who the other person is, the unlayering, the slow revelation. But what I really like is the other side of that, the comfort and ease of just being with someone whom I enjoy, who makes me laugh and smile, who tantalizes my mind and curiosity, someone who "gets" me and is comfortable being loved.

I'm getting motivated to start looking around again. I just don't want any high drama. Why can't women be more like men? I want a woman who's in touch with the little girl inside of her, a woman who's down to earth, but smart. That mind being the sexiest thing of all. A woman who has her own life and knows how to live it without needing me to fit into it PERFECTLY and spend every waking moment together, someone who trusts me and knows I trust her and who doesn't have to be in full make-up and Jimmy Choos every moment, who already knows that she's the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

What I need is a full-time, "part-time" girlfriend who will let me do what I gotta' do and support me in THAT without trying to change me into some trendy, stereotypical, LA party scene asshole who's more worried about HIS hair than she is! Although , I sure like wearing my black, Bill Blass blazer and slacks. Most of the time I just want to wear my favorite pair of jeans and scuffed up work boots three days in a row!

I need a woman who likes and loves who I AM, right now. Who wants to share the spiritual journey of who we're both becoming as we travel THAT road together.

Oh, I almost forgot, we're in LA. Good Luck with that.

Women! Well, guys, if you are fortunate enough to find yourself in companionship with one of these beautiful, complex, precious, resilient and delicate creatures hang onto her, albeit loosely
and don't sweat it if she gains a couple 'o pounds or has a strange little quirk. Sometimes a woman's beauty is defined by her imperfections. Just be glad you're not out here "dating" in fucking LA again like me, and finding Jimmy Choos under your bed. Let the adventure begin.

I gotta' go rescue Hollywood Boulevard and clean my bathroom.